11.09.09

“Come Like You Promised”

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:09 pm by Beth

I was listening to Amber Brooks sing her original song “Come Like You Promised”-amazing, anointed contemporary (and when I use the word contemporary, I don’t mean circa 1975!) worship.

As I was soaking up the amazing truths in this song, it hit me like a ton of bricks…God did just that!! He came, just like He promised He would.

He came as an infant in a manger, he came as a man, willing to take on the sins of humanity so that we might have fellowship with Him forever!! He came in my life as a young girl when I first gave my life to Him at the age of 9. He came every summer at Glacier Camp when I would look out at Flathead Lake and instantly feel so very small and insignificant-His power and awesome authority was on display and my tiny mind couldn’t comprehend His love for me.

He came when I was in highschool and had decisions to make, when I felt unsure and anything other than confident-in the form of supportive friends.

He came over a year ago, when I was in the valley of the shadow of death. I was at my lowest low and He came. I chose not to feel Him, I pushed Him away, I cried, yelled and screamed, and still He came.

He came March 1, 2009. He came in Perfect Love, Perfect Peace, Awesome Authority and Amazing Grace. His power and love were made so real to me that day that my tiny human mind still can’t comprehend it! His healing of my heart, mind, spirit and physical body are daily reminders to me that He came, He was, He is, and He always will be!

Awesome God! Come like you promised…chase after me, wrap me in your awesome arms!! May I be willing to receive You always, in all Your holiness!!

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10.19.09

Favorites

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:57 pm by Beth

• the smell after a rainstorm
• cookie dough ice cream
• the smell of lavender
• purple irises
• daisies
• Flathead Lake
• Romans 8:38-39
• laughter
• driving a stick shift
• dancing in the rain
• hugs
• “You’ve Got Mail”
• making care packages
• journaling
• coffee
• MorningStar University
• looking at old pictures
• taking pictures
• sunrises
• stargazing
• The Bride-by Rhonda Calhoun
• Sunday mornings
• my blanket right after it comes out of the dryer
• those last few moments before you fall asleep at night-between awake and dreaming
• hand-written notes
• Frank Sinatra love songs
• taking communion
• Friday night dinners
• Disney’s “Aladdin”
• phone conversations with my best friend
• Philipians 4:13
• surprises (the good kind)
• children
• bubble baths
• deep conversation
• traveling
• blueberry muffins
• crayons

I think each of these things says alot…and maybe not so much, but it’s fun to make lists! :0)

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10.14.09

Week at a glance

Posted in Uncategorized at 10:31 pm by Beth

I cannot believe all that has happened in one week! The good thing about blogging is that it forces you to remember details to blog about later. So all in all, blogging is proving to be therapeutic as well as a benefit to my organizational skills.

Since my last post:

My friends Tabatha and Jason had their baby last Thursday night, making me a Godmother for the second time. Zackary Cary Dikes was born October 8, 2009 at 9:18pm. He weighed 7 pounds 2 oz and was 19 inches long. He joins his parents and older brother Jason Joshua Dikes II (JJ) who is 10 months old. Delivery went well for both mom and baby. I was so blessed to be able to be at the hospital when Zack was born. Last December I was supposed to be at the hospital when JJ was born, but was still in the hospital in Missoula myself. It made this birth all that much more special. It was so sweet to see Tabatha with her husband and children. They are a complete family now. No matter what anyone says, I am convinced that babies are God’s greatest miracles. Pictures of the kids will follow…have to get them off my camera first!

Friday (Fried Day seems more appropriate) was crazy!! Busy day at work, plus everyone was looking forward to a long weekend! The evening was fun though, went to one of those Community Education Cooking Classes and had tons of fun! For those of you that really know me, the above statement might seem strange, but I DID in fact, attend a cooking class and DID NOT burn anyone or anything down!! We got the chance to sample our creations afterward-yum!

Saturday was a lazy day! A welcome change!! Took a trip to good old Butte America and watched the homecoming game at U of M with my grandpa on tv. (Although Mom and Dad kept insisting we watch the MSU game instead, I don’t understand!)  Baked brownies in the afternoon…mmmmm!!! They turned out well enough that I was able to share them with Tabatha and all the family at Zack’s baby shower/bbq.

I joke often about my lack of culinary abilities, but am truly trying to hone my domestic skills a bit more. At almost 23 years old I need to expand my skills beyond grilled cheese sandwiches. Oh, did I mention the pie I tried to bake last night? Yeah…pretty sure the top was scorched and there were flames coming off of it.(Just a couple small ones though!) Ah well, there will be another recipe to conquer next week

Today, October 14, 2009 was a very special day. One year ago today was the day that I lost all the feeling and function below my waist and was taken to the hospital and consequently began the very thing that changed the rest of my life forever. It might seem strange to “celebrate” a day that didn’t really evoke joy and happiness at the time, but I think it’s important because, while it wasn’t pleasant, it is a milestone that has helped shape me into the person I am becoming.

It drove me crazy when I was laying in the hospital and people kept quoting that verse, I can’t think of its location off hand, although it’s in Romans somewhere, so that narrows it down a bit…”all things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” I could not imagine at that time what good could come out of this seemingly hopeless situation, and it really ruffled my feathers to have it implied that this was God’s purpose for me. Turns out I was wrong on several accounts….

First of all, God showed me that He used this very negative experience, a very dry season spiritually, to bring me up out of the valley and into the delicious garden of His love. I wouldn’t have appreciated it or Him fully though, had I not gone through that desert place first.

Secondly, it was NOT God’s will for me to be lonely, scared, upset or hurting. He is NEVER the cause of our pain. He cries with us, screams with us-if we are experiencing it, so is He. It was NOT His will for me to become paralyzed and stuck in a wheelchair. His desire for us is that we live in perfect health in the bodies He originally intended for us to have. Turns out it was never His intent for me to have CP, let alone any of the other medical crisis in my life. We live in a fallen world and sometimes the enemy messes things up before they even have a chance to fully develop. God loves each of us and it is never His idea or the desire of His heart to see His family sick, hurting, broken.

But, He CAN take those painful, sad, dark moments and use them to bring us into the warmth of His awesome, redeeming love and grace! And as far as I am concerned, THAT is always worth celebrating!!!

So today was a chance to look back, reflect and thank God for all that He has done in my life in the last year. Without Him I am nothing and I have nothing and I am capable of nothing. He is my Everything! It was also a chance to consider those things in my life  I have yet to do and would like to. I know that His plans for my future are great and I cannot even fathom where He will take me, physically and spiritually in the year ahead. There are some plans, goals and dreams I have for the future, but the most important thing to me is that I do what God asks me to do. I want the desires of my heart to become the desires that God has for me, first and foremost, before I try and do anything with them.

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10.08.09

Happy New Year!

Posted in Uncategorized at 11:31 pm by Beth

Hello All!

Wow! Hard to believe another year has almost gone by! As many of you know, I started  this blog last fall as a way to keep people informed as to my progress during a seemingly life-altering health crisis. It is with renewed passion and a changed perspective that I have decided to begin blogging once again. I wonder what God has in store for the year ahead?

Let me rewind just a moment though and see if I can put my life into a brief synopsis since my last post dated March 2, 2009:

1. God healed and restored my body March 1,2009. I have not been back in the wheelchair since. All sensation has returned to my body and my range of motion and strength improve daily. I am now using only one crutch to cover long distances and am walking independently otherwise!

2. I have had several opportunities to share my testimony with individuals and groups of people and see healing manifest in the lives of others as well.

3. God healed and restored my heart and spirit both. The physical healing has been fabulous, don’t get me wrong, but now I am experiencing the amazing, delicious love of God and the Body of Christ in ways I never dreamed possible. God has blessed my life with people who love unconditionally, serve one another wholeheartedly and desire the Kingdom of God to come on earth with more passion and joy than I could have ever imagined! After such a long and dark season of pain, loneliness and doubt, I cannot begin to tell you what a welcome balm this has been for what was once a very tired soul.

I don’t have all the answers, and I certainly don’t want to pretend to, but if my experiences over the last several months have taught me anything, it is this-I am a broken person, far from perfection and in need of a Savior. It is by the grace of God alone that I have the strength, insight or ability to do anything at all. The only thing required of me is that I allow myself to be loved by the One who made me and knows me best. I am lovely in His sight, even when I am not always loving towards others or easy for others to love.

My hope is that we, as a bunch of imperfect but lovely people, will gather together using this blog to experience more of who God is and how much He loves us!

I will be posting throughout the week random thoughts, questions, verses, etc. and I would love feedback! Feel free to comment on anything posted.

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03.02.09

THANK YOU!!!

Posted in Health Update at 11:57 pm by Beth

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02.16.09

2nd Opinion

Posted in Health Update at 10:18 pm by Beth

This weekend was jam-packed! Saturday was a wonderful day of relaxation and fun! Lunch and coffee with friends. Sunday included a trip Missoula. I had the chance to spend some much-needed quality time with Truxton and Shelby. I hadn’t spent much time with them since being in Missoula this fall. Mom and I had a great time driving in the car and singing along to the radio

I had a doctor’s appointment today with Dr. Schaeffer, a neurologist, just to get a second opinion since my relapse last month. He was incredibly patient, thorough and willing to answer all of my MANY questions. He has suggested that I be seen at the mayo clinic in Minnesota. It can take up to 3 months before I will get an appointment but I am willing to wait if it means that I will be able to have everything resolved once and for all.

I must admit I am tired and overwhelmed, but I wanted to keep everyone informed. Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

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02.11.09

Unexpected Blessings

Posted in Health Update at 11:14 pm by Beth

This week has been unusual. I know what most of you are thinking, “Beth, YOU are unusual!” but this week sets itself apart from every other one I have had in the last few months. I was not sure until today, that one person could be thrilled, exhausted, relieved, frustrated, annoyed and entertained all at once, but as it turns out, I was wrong.

I had lived under the delusion that “when I graduate from college I will have no stress” What was I thinking? Everyone forgot to inform me that this was a fib and that I would have stress, it would just not be in the form of books to be read and papers to be written. Being a full-fledged adult is HARD WORK!! Figuring a budget, paying taxes, learning to cook, taking care of your home, making sure everything at work gets taken care of before you leave the office at the end of the day! Wow! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE NOT BEING IN SCHOOL ANYMORE!!! It’s a different kind of stress than academic stress, definitely much more manageable!!

I had begun my week with the intention of being super organized and “put together” HA! Only to discover that as the week unfolded, true to my character, I was anything other than organized. I am always amazed at how quickly a day goes by. By the time I get up in the morning, work a full day, squeeze in PT and maybe one other meeting, meal out with friends, etc. the day is gone!

I had been aprehensive about all the commitments I had made this week. Wondering if I was going to be able to accomplish everything without completely wearing myself out. This week has been a good week in that each time I put forth the effort, I was blessed by the outcome. Spending time with highschoolers really is a refreshing experience, the woman in my Wednesday bible study encourage my spirit and challenge me to think and grow and love always, no exceptions. I love nothing more than a meal shared with a friend. And while all these things take up my time, I can’t imagine spending it any other way. I truely believe that it is because of all the things I am involved in and all the support I continue to receive that I am doing as well as I am.

On that note, as of my Physical Therapy appointment today I am thrilled to report that my sitting balance and the muscle control in my trunk have improved GREATLY in the last week. It won’t be too much longer (a couple of weeks or so) and I should be able to drive independently again. I am currently working on trying to stand. The longest I have been able to stand is about 3 minutes while holding myself help using my arms for about 90% of my support. I was able to shuffle my feet the equivilent of about 8 steps, though my feet never left the floor.

I am exhausted as I write this but it is the most wonderful kind of tired imaginable! Just the knowledge that something somewhere in my body is trying to make a comeback is a great encouragement. I will be leaving Sunday for Missoula-just a quick overnight trip as I have a Dr. appt. for a 2nd opinion. Hopefully this will lead to more answers…and even better yet a more concrete diganosis!

Much to be grateful for and much work still ahead!!

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02.10.09

Science only goes so far, then comes God

Posted in Health Update at 9:17 pm by Beth

This struck me as interesting. It means something to me, the concept that doctors, medicine and diagnosis only go so far, ultimately the outcome is up to God. He is ALWAYS faithful, even when we aren’t.

A professor begins
his school year with a lecture to the students, ‘Let me explain
the problem science has with religion.’ The atheist professor of
philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new
students to stand.

‘You’re a Christian, aren’t you, son?

‘Yes sir,’ the student says.

‘So you believe in God?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Is God good?’

‘Sure! God’s good.’

‘Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you good or evil?’

‘The Bible says I’m evil.’

The
professor grins knowingly.

‘Aha! The Bible!’ He considers for a moment. ‘Here’s
one for you. Let’s say there’s a sick person over here and you
can cure
him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?’

‘Yes sir, I would.’

‘So you’re good.’

‘I wouldn’t say that.’

‘But why not say that? You’d help a sick and
maimed person if you could. Most of us
would if we could. But God doesn’t.’

The student
does not answer, so the professor continues .

‘He doesn’t, does He? My
brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he
prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can
you answer that one?’

The student remains silent.

‘No, you can’t, can you?’ the professor says.

He takes a
sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time
to relax.

‘Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?’

‘Errr yes,’ the student says.

‘Is Satan good?’

The student doesn’t hesitate on this one. ‘No.’

‘Then where does Satan come from?’

The student falters. ‘From God’

‘That’s right. God made Satan, didn’t he? Tell me,
son. Is there evil in this world?’

‘Yes, sir.’

‘Evil’s everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make
everything, correct?’

‘Yes.’

‘So who created evil?’

The professor continued,

‘If God created everything, then God created evil,
since evil
exists, and according to the
principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.’

Again, the student has no answer.

‘Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All
these terrible things, do they exist in this world?’

The student
squirms on his feet.

‘Yes.’

‘So who created them?’

The student
does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question.

‘Who created them?’

There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer
breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is

mesmerized.

‘Tell me,’

he continues onto another student.

‘Do you believe in Jesus
Christ, son?’

The student’s voice betrays him and cracks.

‘Yes, professor, I do.’

The old man
stops pacing.

‘Science says you have five senses you use to identify
and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?’

‘No sir. I’ve never seen Him.’

‘Then tell us if you’ve ever heard your Jesus?’

‘No, sir, I have not.’

‘Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or
smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of
Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?’

‘No, sir, I’m afraid I haven’t.’

‘Yet you still believe in him?’

‘Yes.’

‘According to the rules of empirical, testable,
demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn’t exist. What
do you say to that, son?’

‘Nothing,’

the student replies.

‘I only have my faith. ‘

‘Yes, faith,’ the professor repeats. ‘And that is the
problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.’

The student stands quietly for a moment, before
asking a question of his own.

‘Professor, is there such thing as heat?’

‘Yes,’ the professor replies. ‘There’s heat.’

‘And is there such a thing as cold?’

‘Yes, son, there’s cold too.’

‘No sir, there isn’t.’

The
professor turns to face the student, obviously interested.

The room
suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain.

‘You can have lots of heat, even more heat,
super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white
heat , a little heat or no heat, but we don’t have anything
called ‘cold’. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero, which is
no heat, but we can’t go any further after that.. There is no
such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than
the lowest

-458 degrees.’ ‘Every body or object is susceptible
to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes
a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F)
is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word
we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold.
Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy.
Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.’

Silence
across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,
sounding like a hammer.

‘What about darkness, professor. Is there such a
thing as darkness?’

‘Yes,’ the professor replies without hesitation. ‘What
is night if it isn’t darkness?’

‘You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is not
something; it is the absence of something. You can have low
light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you
have no light constantly you have nothing and it’s called
darkness, isn’t it?

That’s the meaning we use to define the word.’

‘In reality, darkness isn’t. If it were, you would
be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?’

The professor begins to smile at the student in
front of him. This will be a good semester.

‘So what point are you making, young man?’

‘Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical
premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must
also be flawed.’

The professor’s face cannot hide his surprise this
time.

‘Flawed? Can you explain how?’

‘You are working on the premise of duality,’ the
student explains. ‘You argue that there is life and then there’s
death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of
God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science
can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism
, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To
view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact
that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the
opposite of life, just the absence of it.’ ‘Now tell me,
professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from
a monkey?’

‘If you are referring to the natural evolutionary
process, young man, yes, of course I do.’

‘Have you ever observed evolution with your own
eyes, sir?’

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as
he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester,
indeed.

‘Since no one has ever observed the process of
evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an
on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are
you now not a scientist, but a preacher?’

The class is
in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has
subsided.

‘To continue the point you were making earlier to
the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.’

The student
looks around the room.

‘Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the
professor’s brain?’

The class breaks out into laughter.

‘Is there anyone here who has ever heard the
professor’s brain, felt the professor’s brain, touched or smelt
the professor’s brain? No one appears to have done so. So,
according to the established rules of empirical, stable,

demonstrable protocol, science says that you have
no brain, with all due respect, sir.’ ‘So if science says you
have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?’

Now the room
is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face
unreadable.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man
answers.

‘I guess you’ll have to take them on faith.’

‘Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact,
faith exists with life,’

the student continues.

‘Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?’

Now uncertain, the professor responds,

‘Of course, there is. We see it every day. It is in
the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the
multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These
manifestations are nothing else but evil.’

To this the
student replied,

‘Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist
unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like
darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the
absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of
what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his
heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or
the darkness that comes when there is no light.’

The professor sat
down.

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02.01.09

My Wish-Rascal Flatts

Posted in Health Update at 11:57 pm by Beth

Please click the link below:

watch?v=xz32I_GbpeU

This has always been one of my favorite songs, but lately seems to strike a chord with me. This is exactly the sort of prayer I have been praying lately.

God is showing me who I am, who He is and what we are capaple of together.

None of us are certain of tomorrow and what it might hold, the most important thing is WHO we are holding on to.

I am continuing Physical Therapy 3 days a week. My left ankle is moving some on its own. I still don’t have sensation from below my arms. For the time being I am not using my crutches or driving. Recent blood tests and another full MRI have all come back “normal”.  The local neurologist is suggesting genetic testing. He feels that this series of specialized bloodwork would detect what he feels might me some kind of mutation of my genes. It’s a long shot, but at this point I am willing to do whatever it takes to find answers. There is a possibility that I may be traveling to see a neurologist in Boise, Idaho to gain another opinion. No one is certain what caused this most recent relapse but I feel confident that there IS an answer. 

As much as all of this is a frustration at times. A major life-change and a mystery in the moment, the one thing that has stayed constant is my hope. I am tired, frustrated, annoyed, and lately, overwhelmed. But for every time I begin to doubt who I am and what God is doing in my life, he brings people alongside me to remind me how good He is to me-always.

I like to think that this song is Jesus’ love note to me. Reminding all of us that no matter what, he sees and hears everything we are going through. Our struggles are important to Him and He will work it all out somehow. There have been several times when I have needed to feel God’s presence lately, and have often thought how nice it would be to have God in the flesh to hold me and tell me that everything was going to work out. And then I listen to this song. I hope it blesses you as it has me.

Updates to come…blessings to all Thank you for your continued prayers, love and support for my family and I

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01.15.09

Update

Posted in Health Update at 10:57 pm by Beth

I suppose the events of the last couple of days definitely fall under the “things I should update people on” category. Here goes…

I am a Rolfe, therefore, it is in my genetic makeup to have just the tiniest bit of a stubborn streak. Over the last 10 days or so, the stubborn streak has been working overtime!

As it turns out, the lack of sensation and muscle control has started moving further up into my body. At the present ttime I have no sensation below my arms and have less muscle control, epecially in my torso. I have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow and another Dr appt with neurologist on Wednesday next week. Yay! something new and different for me! (Insert sarcastic smirk here!)

In all honesty, I am just relieved that I have so many people around who are willing to help me find answers. We shall see what tomorrow brings!

Think good thoughts, say lots of prayers and don’t forget to SMILE!!!

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